Get it? Marches...March? Shut up.
So weird, I thought I watched a ton of movies this month, but evidently, I just watched lots of House of Cards and Bunheads and Futuramas. Anyway, here goes.
30 for 30: Price of Gold
This is a rehashing of the Nancy Kerrigan knee capping. Nancy Kerrigan herself did not sit for an interview, but her husband (who was also her old manager... SKETCH-EEE) did. However, Tonya Harding gives extensive interviews and the movie delves into her "hard life" (waaa, her mother hit her with a hairbrush one time) and she comes off really sympathetically. However, I watched another recent documentary about the incident. NBC aired one after the Olympics and Nancy Kerrigan was interviewed and whoa, Tonya Harding comes off as a psychopath and undid all the good that this 30 for 30 did.
Blue is the Warmest Color
WHOA. So much naked. So so very much naked. All the naked. My eyes. Um. Where was I? It's about a high school senior in France figuring out her sexuality through naked. It's rated NC-17, which I didn't find out till after, when I was just like, how is Netflix running pornography now? The movie is also in French, so you can't even look away like the nice Catholic prude you were raised to be. However, if much naked women is your bag. You're welcome. Don't say I never did nothing for you.
This movie is about a (real life, I guess, I meant to google, but forgot) race car driver rivalry. It's great. I hate those rivalry movies where you are clearly supposed to root for one particular guy over the other (like Amadeus) this is much more balanced. And the movie made race car driving seem interesting!
The Spectacular Now
Um... this movie is about high school seniors. Popular guy woos awkward comic book nerd girl after popular cheerleader dumps him. It sounds cliche, but they do it in a different enough way that it's not boring. It's not great either though. I give it two and a half Mellencamps.
This movie was so long. Oh God. Why would it not end? Like, I felt there was some technology at play where they kept filming and adding on to the movie *as* I was watching it. This is three, maybe four movies, in one and that is just too much. Plus, they kick you straight in the nards at the end with the whole "none of this is real." Complete with cackling laughter.
This movie is cute and fun. Lots of shooting and explosions and "twists" (sure, you see them coming a mile away, but you pretend you don't!) The exact right people die, *slow claps* Brava!
All is Lost
O_o This is two hours of Robert Redford sailing. In the first minute, he awakes to discover his boat has taken on a lot of water, he is alone and ALL his radio equipment is destroyed by water. O_o So for two hours, he tries to survive. Oh, there is almost no speaking. Which, as I sat in my living room watching this movie alone, cursing and mocking it nonstop, struck me as hilarious. Just because you're by yourself doesn't mean you can't talk. In fact, the silence seemed so forced -- he doesn't say "crap, I forgot the bag" or "Arrrgh, damn you Neptune!" and then shakes his fist? Boo. What? Is that weird? Are you not supposed to curse Neptune aloud when you're alone on a sinking ship?
Um. When Paul Walker died, everyone said this was his best movie ever, so I rented it. Those people are liars. Fast and Furious six was his best movie ever and I could have saved myself the month of waiting for Running Scared to become available and the three hours of bizarro chase scenes. Blargh. It was okay, I suppose. But twas no Fast and Furious six.
Mindless fun. Delivers on its title right away. Two machetes up! Looking forward to the next installment: Machete Kills in Space! I'm not kidding.
I've Loved You So Long
Another french movie. And, a French movie I think I've seen before. It's about a former doctor who kills her son, goes to prison and then has to live with the little sister she left behind before serving her fifteen year sentence. It's good. I didn't need to see it twice. But, obviously, it wasn't memorable enough for me not to rent it again, but the synopsis is good enough to get you to rent it twice. Or something.
I believe this was James Gandolfini's last movie. I hereby declare it his best. Also, the Seinfeld woman's best too. It's about middle aged people dating. So awkward, yet very well done.
St. Trinian's Two
I love David Tennant. I will see anything if David Tennant is in it. David Tennant is in this. It's very silly, but eh, I've got nothing else going on.
It's basically a Columbine scenario movie. But shot all weirdly, from different perspectives and in a weird timeline. Eh, it's not good.
From the same guy who did Elephant. I think it's loosely based on Curt Kobain's last days. Also, not good.