Should I worry that I haven’t seen ANY of the summer blockbusters? This used to be my FAVORITE time of year! But I guess with all the birthday traveling, I just haven’t had the time; but honestly, I do not have the inclination either. Superman… the giant robot thing…Wolverine…Eh… I guess I’ll wait for the DVDs. *Coco Shrugs*
The Chernobyl Diaries
I saw this movie a while ago, but when I scrolled through my past review recaps it wasn’t there. It’s a decent enough faux documentary horror flick. (Though, the premise, twenty-somethings decide to go on “an adventure tour” of a nuclear disaster site smacks of the hashtag #whitepeople.) I liked the end.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAAH Am I really going to review a Syfy movie starring Tara Reid and Ian Ziering called Sharknado? HAHAHAHAHAHA No.
This is a documentary about the 2010 Texas schoolboard process of updating the state’s public school textbooks. And yet, it wasn’t boring. Actually, at the point where the one guy makes a motion to “remove references to ‘hip-hop’ and replace them with ‘country and western music’ because *that* music doesn’t have a place in our schools,” I was laughing hysterically. Racism makes people insane, y’all. There was also a motion to remove the philosophies of Thomas Jefferson and insert President Obama’s middle name AND declare Ronald Reagan a national treasure. *IN TEXTBOOKS* Textbooks that students will learn from for the next decade. Oh, and I didn’t even write about the evolution “debate.” HAHAHA Spoiler… it did not go well for evolution. TAKE THAT DARWIN! WHO’S THE FITTEST NOW, BITCH? HAHAHAHHAAHHAAH Oh, Texas.
The Shawshank Redemption
“…hope is a good thing, maybe the best of things, and no good thing ever dies.” So, this entire movie is pretty much bullshit, amirite? I don’t understand why it’s so revered, I saw it once in college and promptly forgot about it, so I thought I’d missed something and decided to watch it again. Nope. It’s your standard prison fantasy. Though, I guess I don’t know anything about prison in the 50s, prisons that I got to know in the aughts are nothing like that. And Red would never have been paroled. Shrug.
Shadow of a Doubt
No clue why I rented this movie about a strange man who comes to stay with his sister’s family. It’s funny, I think Hitchcock suffers from his later successes, because I kept waiting for something terrible to happen, but nothing does till the very very end when there’s just no choice. So, I’d jump at every frame change or camera closeup and then be disappointed that nothing happened. It’s okay.
Yo, this is a creepy ass Korean vampire movie. I don’t know whose fault it is that I saw this, but I will find you and make you watch some creepy ass movie with creepy ass smiling vampires who stab people in the neck. And old stroke victim mothers who are out for revenge. Shudders. *Turns on all the lights*
The Last Stand
Oh man, Arnold Schwarzenegger, why can’t I quit you? You’re a liar, and a cheat and a Republican, and yet… I loved the last stand. There’s high speed chases and a helicopter attacks stuff and an old lady is all shooting people with a shotgun and Arnold is all “Ahm too old for dis shit” and then he like pulls the pin out of a grenade with his teeth! I can’t help it, I LIKE ASPLOSIONS!!!! *puts self on timeout*
This movie is so gotdamn pretentious. It’s like “Shadow of a Doubt” in that an uncle comes to live with his brother’s family after his brother dies, but it’s not like it because you’re just mostly rolling your eyes at the pretension. Jaysus. Terrible. Oh, it’s also like "Thirst" in that there’s a creepy ass chick stabbing people in the neck.
Won’t Back Down
Eh, I don’t think they meant to make a movie that celebrates union busting, but that’s what they did. It was alright, but the whole teacher teams up with dyslexic kid’s mom seemed contrived. I don’t care if it IS based on a real life story.
I love me some Anne Hathaway. This movie about a girl cursed with obedience but who changes the world anyway, is a tad silly, but Anne Hathaway and Matt Damon’s famously dumped ex-girlfriend, Mia Driver? Minnie Driver? Something like that, are charming. The supporting cast is terrible. Though, it’s always nice to see Westley from “The Princess Bride.”
This movie was AWESOME! I don’t know why it didn’t get at least as much traction as LA Confidential – it has that same film noir vibe about it – except the plot made sense and didn’t put me to sleep after an hour. PLUS there are black people and Mexicans! Brava, Gangster Squad, Brava. Also, Ryan Gosling is shirtless. Oh hey, and he’s paired up with Emma Stone AGAIN… Hmm… note to self, keep an eye on that Emma Stone. Grr.
This movie about Jason Bateman going to look for Mellissa McCarthy, who has stolen his identity, does all the right things to be a heartwarming comedy, but it just wasn’t heartwarming or particularly funny. This is definitely one of those movies where all the funny parts are in the trailer. I can’t quite put my finger on why it didn't work for me, but at the end I was just kinda like “Meh.”
A Good Day to Die Hard
Wooo! All the asplosions and “too old for this shit”ness of The Last Stand without having to feel all dirty about liking the lead. I’M IN! Also, there is a shocking double double cross! *slow claps* Keep on dying hard, Mr. Willis!