Monday, July 1, 2013

Just when I thought I was out!

Cloud Atlas

I LOVED this movie. Everyone on the twitters kept saying I would hate it and warned me not to ever watch it, but I thought it was great! It's like a sci/fi/rom/com/thriller mashup! Sure, I could have done without Tom Hanks and Halle Berry speaking pidgin, but other than that, this movie is awesome. There are space ships and lasers and robots and car chases and poignant life lessons ("do what you can't not do.") Two thumbs up, ignore the haters.

The Best Exotic Marigold Hotel

This movie stars a bunch of famous old British actors. Like picture an old British actor, unless it's that chick from Prime Suspect BBC, he or she is in the Best Exotic Marigold Hotel. Like right IN there. The title is supposed to be funny because in reality the hotel is in shambles. The rooms don't have doors, birds have taken up residency, the phones don't work and the food gives the guests the runs. But the idea is that this Indian kid has a plan to "outsource old age." So the old people come. They form friendships, die, divorce, fall in love. It's alright. And as the movie teaches us, everything is alright in the end; and if everything is not alright, then it's not yet the end.


This movie is a documentary that follows six children who are bullied in their schools. It's infuriating at times and I wonder how they found their subjects. I also wonder about the idiot bullying kids who keep punching and tormenting their subjects EVEN THOUGH THERE IS A FILM CREW RIGHT THERE. IDJITS. But on the whole the movie is engaging.


HAHAHAAHAH, well, if watching the "Toothfairy" wasn't proof enough that I'll watch The Rock in anything, Snitch would easily serve to prove my point. Here, the son of divorced and remarried Rock gets pinched for drug distribution. The kid refuses to snitch in exchange for a reduced sentence, so dad decides to go undercover and take down the WHOLE drug cartel! Cause when your dad is THE ROCK that's an option! Stuff blows up. People are shot. Susan Sarandon looks totally hot! And of course, The Rock is ROCKISH!

Oz The Great and Powerful

Blaarrghhh. James what's-his-face is SOOO ANNOYING. Why does he still get cast in things??? AWFUL. This movie isn't wretched, but it so blatantly attempts to "mirror" (read: rip off) the Judy Garland Wizard of Oz, that you just roll your eyes... a lot. The lead is weak, the supporting cast (monkey and China doll girl.. WHAT?) are suspect. The villain is lame...okay, on second thought this movie might have been wretched, but it's pretty, so there's that. BLLAARRRGGHHH.

Hansel & Gretel: Witch Hunters

This movie is borrible. I didn't care one iota what happened to Hansel or Gretel or the witches or the trolls. Awful awful awful. What on earth is that Renner guy doing in this movie? Doesn't he have an Oscar? Or at least an Oscar nomination? FIRE YOUR AGENT DUDE! OR QUIT GAMBLING/DRUG USING.


This movie is great. I love Marlon Brando! And Al Pacino! Their performances are so subtle and quiet that it contrasts perfectly against the Santino guy and blaring newspaper headlines. It had been a LLLOOONNNGGG time since I've seen this movie. Some of the scenes had been mixed up in my head, so it was also a cool refresher course in how you do a gangster movie, *wild applause*

Godfather II

Uhh, this movie is okay. Again, it's been awhile since I've seen this, so I realized I've been conflating these two movies for a long time. In my sixth grade essay about Of Mice and Men, I likened the death of Lenny to when Michael killed Fredo in the Godfather. But that doesn't happen till Godfather II AND Michael didn't even do it!  I definitely like the Vito scenes the best, De Niro again was understated, whereas Pacino has now bought the hype and he's just too over the top with everything. I also like the Roth guy. "I DIDN'T ASK WHO GAVE THE ORDER!" The WORST was the Frankie state's evidence guy. Blargh! Quit trying so hard dude.

Godfather III 

I actually liked this movie better than Godfather II, mostly because I don't think either are very good, but this one has a helicopter attack and I like when helicopters attack things. Shrug. Frankly, I thought I would be run out of town being chased with pitch fork carrying villagers for saying that Godfather III was better than Godfather II, but turns out Roger Ebert said the same thing, though... he is dead and they took his face*runs*


Brian said...

Yes, yes, and yes. I saw your review. Now excuse me while I slip some Ritalin in your drink to calm you down.

CLOUD ATLAS: I'm glad to read that you really liked it and your reaction to it is rather similar to how I responded to The Wachowskis' SPEED RACER. All the critics talked about how shitty, horrible and overly cartoonish it was and when I finally saw it, all I could think was: "So...where is this horrible movie that everyone kept going on about? Because this movie is really good."

BULLY: haven't seen it yet

HANSEL AND GRETEL IN BLACK LEATHER HUNTING WITCHES WITH ANACHRONISTIC WEAPONRY: I'm definitely adding "borrible" to my vocabulary and it looks as unwatchable as THE BOURNE LEGACY. And the only good thing that came from me seeing THE BOURNE LEGACY was that I was introduced to Chipotle and had my very first burrito. Where the hell have burritos been all my life? Sofa king good.

THE GODFATHER TRILOGY: Liked them a lot more than you did, but they are deserving of a rewatch, except Part 3, because I like to pretend that Part 3 doesn't exist and was never made. Which is how I treat every sequel after ALIENS, U.S. MARSHALS, the SEX AND THE CITY movies and ANOTHER 48 HRS.

SNITCH: haven't seen that yet, but it looks good, Shane from THE WALKING DEAD is in it and Susan Sarandon always looks hot. Even when she played a nun in DEAD MAN WALKING.

And the only reason I look forward to football season starting up, whenever that is because I know sweet fuck-all about football, is so I can watch Patriots games and follow what it is you're tweeting about when you're not making fun of Tebow and making voodoo dolls that look like She Who Shall Not Be Named Who Shares Bed & Home With Tom Brady.

Dawn Summers said...

hahaahah excellent commenting! you went like decades of life without ever having a burrito?? DECADES??????