Tuesday, October 2, 2012


Wow, I'm glad Goat has started writing movie reviews again, because now that I'm in a race to read all the electronic books in the Brooklyn Public Library and watch every NFL game, my movie watching has fallen off precipitously. This month was an almost perfect balance of the dreadful and the sublime, so let's get on with it, shall we?

A Better Life This movie stars the Mexican drug cartel guy from Weeds. You know, the one who tries to kill Nancy a million times and pisses us all off by failing? Yeah, so I started off already bitter at him. But slowly, in this story about an illegal immigrant trying to raise his son and steer clear of Johnny law, he wins me over. His performance is so steady and understated, just like his character. I actually found myself saying "oh please let this work out," as he borrows money from his sister to buy a mobile landscaping business. And you all know how I hate lawbreakers! Good movie.

An American Werewolf in London One sublime down, on to the dreadful. Actually, I guess I can't really complain. It's not the movie's fault that it was made in the 1980s before people knew how to gin up a proper werewolf. Also, at least he's wrecking havoc in London and not here in my sunny beautiful America. However, the plot is terrible. Two boys walk through a mysterious countryside and the villagers, instead of being all "hey, stupid Americans don't go getting all eaten by the werewolf," they sit idly by and watch ANOTHER werewolf get created. AND THEN, even though ALL signs point to his wolfiness, still no one believes him. Oy vey. Listen, if you're a werewolf, you will only ever have to tell me ONCE. HECK...I'm pretty sure YOU ARE one. Yeah...YOU!

Pariah Good, bad...ooh, good again! This low budget movie is the coming out story of a teenage girl. Now, I don't like that it paints all tomboys as lesbians, but the story it tells was personal and plausible enough for me not to roll my eyes at some of the stereotypical parts. I likeded it.

Perfect Sense And back to horrendous, we come. BLECH. BLARGH. VOMIT. So, there's some weird virus that takes away the sense of smell of all the world. It then makes it way through the other four senses while the stoopid protaganists -- both aloof assholes *before* they lost their senses -- suddenly now fall in love *WITH EACH OTHER*??! WHAT?! Fuck outta here. There is not a single moment in this movie that felt authentic AT ALL. NOT ONE. Did I say Blargh already? BBLAAARRGGH.

Take Shelter UM. This movie was neither good nor bad. It just is. mmminnno. Guy has visions of the end of the world. He starts building a shelter. His neighbors think he's gone nutters like his mum did when he was a wee lad. Meh. It was okay. He gives his dog away immediately. So... sensible fellow, in my opinion.

The Skin I Live In THIS MOVIE WAS GREAT! I don't know why I don't go see every Almodovar movie AS SOON AS IT COMES OUT. I mean, I'm sure he's let me down in the past, but I honestly can't think of a single one of his movies that I didn't love. This movie is no exception. It's weird in the beginning and SO doesn't turn out to be what you think it is! There are so few surprises in this interneted world of ours, it's always refreshing to find them. So, I'm not going to ruin this one. Go see it! It's awesomesauce.

Solaris Grrrr *THROWS ALL THE STAPLERS* THE. FUCK? George Clooney is a therapist that they send to outer space because their astronauts don't wanna come back. AND SUP WITH THE DEAD PEOPLE? BLAH! *THROWS FRUIT*

In Darkness This movie about a Polish sewer worker who hides a handful of Jews from the Nazis, follows in the well worn paths of movies like Schindler's list etc. But there's a reason it's a well worn path. It works. You feel for the Jews, worry for the worker who is risking everything -- at first for the money the Jews are paying him, and then because he comes to empathize with them as people. It's a tad long, but worth it.

John Carter of Mars Goddamit, did I already throw ALL the Staplers??? Why do I never think ahead? This sucktacular suckfest of suckingness totes deserves to be pelted by staplers with extreme prejudice. Apparently, an American dude gets whooshed to Mars, wins a couple of wars, marries a martian princess, is zapped back to Earth and has to fake his death to get back. And Mars is also called Barsoom. Eye freaking roll.


Michael M. said...

Now is probably a bad time to tell you there is a global stapler shortage.

madbrooklyn said...

I've ordered a new stapler for you in case you plan to watch some of the movies I've recently mentioned to you. Just don't throw it at your tv.

Shrike said...

Allow me to cast a dissenting vote re: John Carter. It does not merit stapler treatment; I found it to be quite entertaining.