Tuesday, September 4, 2012

The Rewind

I've been toying with the idea of rewatching movies that I already love just to see if I still think they're awesome. So, I kinda sorta started that this month. I was inspired to rewatch the Nolan Batman series after a conversation with one of my friends that went something like:

Me: "I LOVE Batman Begins!"
Him: Yeah, that one is pretty good. Katie Holmes is in that, right?
Me: No. Katie Holmes sucks and I could never like a Katie Holmes movie.
Him: Oh. I thought she was in that.
Me: Nope.

Batman Begins

So, first things first. Yes, in fact, Katie Holmes WAS in this. Ergo therefore, DUDE, what was I thinking?? This movie SUCKS. I mean, to say it sucked, isn't exactly right, but good lord, it was BORING AS HELL. It takes like 90 minutes for it to get any place I want to be and then it just rushes through the end and I don't even get the satisfaction of Batman killing the bad guy. Does Scarecrow live? What was the deal with Scarecrow anyways? BOOOOO. BOOOOO. Stupid Katie Holmes RUINS EVERYTHING!

The Dark Knight

Now THIS Batman was the bees knees! Fast paced action from start to finish... although, again, not really sure what happens with the Joker and the end makes no kind of sense at all. If they have to lie to protect Two Face, why don't they just pin all his crimes on the Joker? THINK THINGS THROUGH PEOPLE! But I liked this movie just the same and I didn't have to pause it a billion times because I was falling asleep... looking at you Batman Begins.

The next in the rewind endeavor was The Matrix.

The Matrix might have been the first sci fi movie that I saw in a theater (unless ET counts). I remember leaving the theater thoroughly convinced that the movie was real and we were, in fact, no more than strings of ones and zeroes. I may or may not have sorta kinda ran in front of a cab to test this theory. Sorry, mister cab driver. Allegedly. It mostly held up on second viewing, though, Keanu is pretty bad. Not Mark Hamill bad, but not good.

Matrix Reloaded

I liked all the Mister Smiths. And the Superman stuff. Um. Not so much with the underground hobo world and why is everyone wearing sunglasses when they never see the sun? Do they just not know that's what they're for? This movie was fine, not nearly as clever or engaging or believable as the first one...

Matrix Revolutions

Um. This movie was dumb. No, I mean super dumb. Like it hurt my brain matter. Interestingly, I attempted to discuss this movie with my friends who are all super Matrix fans and they all, to a man, insist that the Matrix had no sequels. And then I was all "but, I just watch--" and they were all "Let me stop you right there, Dawn Summers. I said the Matrix has NO SEQUELS. Don't make me tell you again." And there were threatening hand gestures like sliding the index finger across the throat and much glaring. So Iono, man, I thought I saw sequels -- but I guess not.

So, we'll see if I keep doing the rewind stuff -- so far, the results have been mixed. Maybe I'll do the Superman series next...anyway, back to the new stuff

Man on a Ledge

You say what you want about this thriller featuring a man wrongly convicted of theft who sets out to clear his name in dramatic fashion, but I'll be damned if I didn't look at the clock and four minutes into it, there wasn't a man on a damn ledge! Truth in advertising, thy name is this movie!

Wrath of the Titans

DUUUDDEE!! I just realized the half son of Zeus WAS The man on the ledge! I didn't even do that on purpose! Though, had I known the man on the ledge was half immortal it would have taken some of the drama out of it. Wrath is bad. Suupppeerr bad. And not in any of the good meanings of those words. Only bad badness.

Jeff, Who Lives at Home

I rolled my eyes when I put this in the DVD player and mumbled "this is gonna suck." I was wrong! It did not suck. The lesbian stuff was weird and left fieldish, but other than that, it was a perfectly serviceable "small budget" film about a family still working through the dad dying when they were teens. I did not want to vomit.

Darkman

I take recommendations from anyone about movies and I will watch anything, halfway through movies like Darkman, I seriously think about reconsidering that strategy. This movie is garbage. It's worse than garbage because it's garbage with Liam Neeson in it! He's supposed to be garbage proof. Except for those Star Warses that he did. BLECH!

Sherlock Holmes: A Game of Shadows

BOOOOO. This movie was long and boring and as big a disappointment as Ironman 2. I declared that Robert Downey Jr should never be allowed to make sequels. EVER. Yes, that means Avengers too! BLLLECCHHHH!

The Vow

I need to stop watching Nicolas Sparks movies. I'm going to roll my eyes too hard one of these days and they're gonna get stuck that way. This story about a couple who have a car accident leaving the woman an amnesiac who forgets her husband is simply artarded. OH NOES, I just googled it and evidently, The Vow is not a Nicolas Sparks movie at all! It's based on a real life story. So, now I'm scared of real life.

2010: The Year We Make Contact

This movie was a trillion times better than 2001. But is it weird that I was disappointed that it was so positive and happy ending-y? Men go out into space, they are SUPPOSED to be killed by space monsters. Otherwise EVERYBODY will start to want to go to space and no one will be left to comment on my movie review posts.

Puss in Boots

I saw this a while ago, I just keep forgetting to review it. It's terrible. Trust me folks, if a movie can't even get up to 88 minutes, SKIP IT!

The Big year

I usually hate Jack Black and Owen Wilson and the old white haired guy and birds-- but this movie about bird watchers trying to set the bird watching record, was quite good. The Jack Black romance part was tacked on and felt cheap, but the story of the marriages and bird watching was touching and quite good.

The Conspirator

Mary got me the Abraham Lincoln vampire slaying book for my birthday. So, I became a little obsessed with Abraham Lincoln for a bit. This movie is about Mary Surratt who owned the boarding house where John Wilkes Booth stayed before killing Lincoln. It follows her trial and whether justice was really served by her execution. It was okay.

Friends with Kids

I know this is going to sound weird, but I totally thought this movie was about something else. It stars Don Draper and his real life wife, who don't have kids, so I thought the movie was gonna be about interacting with their friends who do have kids, but it wasn't. It's about friends who decide to have a kid together even though they aren't a couple and then it falls into typical rom-com land from there. I like rom-coms, so I enjoyed it. But you should know going in, that's what you're in for.

Ira & Abbey

Don Draper's wife also made this movie. Here it's two strangers who decide to just go ahead and get married and see what happens. O_O It is not good. Though there are some funny lines and Angela from Who's the Boss is great in this.

Dear Zachary

M pretty much ruined my whole life when she tweeted about this movie one Thursday afternoon. I decided to watch it at work and as the documentary about a guy chronicling the life of his childhood best friend, who had been murdered, unfolds, you just cry and cry and cry. AND THEN when you think it just might all have sorta worked out... NO! YOU CRY SOME MORE! *SHAKES FIST* I will never be happy again!

Wet Hot American Summer

I believe I tweeted to M: "DUDE I WILL NEVER BE HAPPY AGAIN! Gimmee a happy movie!" And she suggested this. It's okay -- I didn't realize it was a spoof of those dumb camp movies, I just thought it was a dumb camp movie, but by the end, it's over the topness was quite clear. Still, it was nowhere near as happy as Dear Zachary was soul crushingly sad, so *RESUME FIST SHAKING*

8 comments:

VinNay said...

I was just about to scream bloody murder for you bashing Ironman, but then realized you were talking about Ironman 2. Proceed.

madbrooklyn said...

My home town was also Mary Surratt's. Her family tavern in Clinton, MD (where supposed plotting occurred) is the big tourist draw. My high school is still named after the Surratt's family (Surrattsville Sr. High). I always thought it was cool that I lived in the same town that the first woman executed in the US lived in. Ah, yes, my sad twisted childhood...

Still need to see The Conspirator.

I can't wait to read your October review of Eraserhead.

Gib said...

Oh, is there going to be a special Halloween edition of "Dawn Summers reviews stuff you didn't even know existed" that's like all horror movies? That would rock.

And Batman Begins was fine, because it followed the Schumacher crap that ruined the franchise. Watch the Clooney one again, then re-watch Batman Begins. It will be like a ray of sunshine. A dark, gravelly-voiced, Katie Holmes-infested ray of sunshine.

Alceste said...

I'm with Gib on Batman Begins. Haven't seen the third one yet, but thought Gyllenhaal in the second one may actually have been worse then Holmes in the first one.

Dawn Summers said...

There is NOTHING worse than a katie Holmes performance! NOTHING! You take that back!

PetiteDov said...

Katie Holmes is the worst. But Gib is right (also funny) ". A dark, gravelly-voiced, Katie Holmes-infested ray of sunshine. "

Just saw Dark Knight Rising. Thought it was a bit too long and a little too 9/11ish for my fragile psyche. Other than that it was a good movie. Also, I hate the stupid :Batman voice in all 3 movies.

Jordan said...

THANK YOU DAWN! You are dead right about the first 2 Batman movies, and coming as a comic book nerd, that isn't an easy thing for me to admit. They SUCKED, but everyone thinks they are good.

Your assessment of the Matrix trilogy is dead right too. #1 was great because of great storytelling and effects. #2 was okay because of cool effects but bad storytelling. #3 lacked good effects and lacked good storytelling. It was TERRIBLE.

Finally, Wet Hot American Summer was supposed to be a spoof? Like you, I just thought it was a stupid summer movie, but looking back, I guess it was a bit spoofish. Not spoofish enough though.

Dawn Summers said...

I think it was when they started shooting heroin in town that I figured this wasn't a real movie.