Sunday, April 24, 2011

The Greatest Movie Character of 1990-1999: 01 - Introduction



Cross-posted at The_Goat_Speaks.

My wife tells me I have a rich internal life.  That's her far-too-kind way of saying "why do you think about all this random nonsense when you're not even sure where you're going or why most days?"

For instance: Have you ever wondered to yourself, Hey, I wonder who the greatest movie character of the 90s is?  I mean, you just went through the 90s year-by-year to figure out which movies were likely to enter the cannon of Great Cinema, or, failing that, Enduring Entertainment.  But what about, you know, the characters?  Could Hannibal Lector survive a match-up with Col. Nathan Jessup? Is Forrest Gump still a player?

Just me, huh?  Oh well. Moving on . . .

We're going to do something about this, people. We're going to discover who the best of the best of the best.  Here's what I plan to do.

We're going to do this March Madness style. I, along with three others, will hold a draft to choose 64 movie characters. First pick will be first seed, second pick will be second seed, and so forth.  We'll then pit character against character, each of us writing an impassioned case for why our chosen character is the better movie character. Any criteria is fair game: enjoyability, iconic stature, importance to film culture, hair, whatever.

Then, all of you go vote at FilmChaw for the character you wish to see win.  Winner advances. Loser hangs him or herself from the HOLLYWOOD sign.

So now you're probably asking yourself (if you haven't stopped reading already, that is) when will it happen?  When will the draft take place? When will I do this?

Do it? Readers, I'm not a Republic Serial villain. Do you seriously think I'd explain my master-stroke if there remained the slightest chance of you affecting its outcome? I've already done it.

Voting starts sometime this week.

Note: THIS DOES NOT WORK UNLESS YOU VOTE.  PLEASE VOTE. LET OTHER PEOPLE KNOW ABOUT IT. ENCOURAGE THEM TO VOTE. TWEET ABOUT IT. BLOG ABOUT IT. WRITE ABOUT IT IN SPRAY PAINT ON HIGHWAY OVERPASSES. WRITE IT IN THE SKY IN GOSSAMER TEARDROPS. MAKE IT YOUR FIRST THOUGHT WHEN YOU WAKE AND YOUR LAST THOUGHT BEFORE DRIFTING OFF TO SLEEP.

Ahem. Anyway. We gonna do this like Brutus, cause we knew 'dis.

Obviously, I needed to find three other crazy people. This was not hard.

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HDouble is a part of the poker-blogger bedrock. If poker bloggers were hockey teams, he'd be one of the original six. If poker bloggers were elements, he'd be Helium. If poker bloggers were pizza toppings, he would be cheese. This guy was around back when the Blogfather was only a Blogbrother. Not only that, but he wrote a series of film posts comparing poker to various movies that are must-reads.

TEAM HDOUBLE

1)     Andy Dufresne, The Shawshank Redemption
2)     Phil Connors, Groundhog Day
3)    The Dude, The Big Lebowski
4)    Morpheus, The Matrix
5)    Ghost Dog, Ghost Dog: The Way of the Samurai
6)    Mike McD, Rounders
7)    Herman Blume, Rushmore
8)    Dignan, Bottle Rocket
9)    Barton Fink, Barton Fink
10)    William Blake, Dead Man
11)    Jesus Shuttleworth, He Got Game
12)    Truman Burbank, The Truman Show
13)    Marge Gunderson, Fargo
14)    Bernie LaPlante, Hero
15)    Neil McCauley, Heat
16)    Raoul Duke, Fear and Loathing In Las Vegas


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Astin has become one of the prime FilmChaw contributors (though nobody can touch The Real Dawn Summers), and possesses one of the more refined film palates out there. Also, if you listen to some people, he is me, which makes this praise more than a little suspect.

TEAM ASTIN

1)     Jules Winfield, Pulp Fiction
2)     Verbal Kint, The Usual Suspects
3)    Ash, Army of Darkness
4)    Sarah Connor, Terminator 2
5)    Austin Powers, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
6)    Eric Draven, The Crow
7)    Agent Smith, The Matrix
8)    Cole Sear, The Sixth Sense
9)    John McClane, Live Free or Die Hard
10)    Mr. Blonde, Reservoir Dogs
11)    Brodie Bruce, Mallrats
12)    Jean Baptiste Emmanuel Zorg, The Fifth Element
13)    John Malkovitch, Being John Malkovitch
14)    Happy Gilmore, Schindler's List*
15)    Jack Skellington, The Nightmare Before Christmas
16)    Darth Maul, Star Wars Episode I: The Death of Hope

*Citation neeed

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Riggstad is a closer, and is therefore allowed to drink some of the coffee. He can handle the truth. Come with him if you want to live. You're a daisy if you do.

TEAM RIGGSTAD

1)     Tyler Durden, Fight Club
2)     Col. Nathan R. Jessup, A Few Good Men
3)    The Terminator, Terminator 2
4)    William Wallace, Braveheart
5)    Little Bill, Unforgiven
6)    Forrest Gump, Boys On The Side
7)    Mona Lisa Vito, My Cousin Vinnie
8)    Cpt. John Miller, Saving Private Ryan
9)    Doc Holiday, Tombstone
10)    Malcolm X, Malcolm X
11)    Micky Knox, Natural Born Killers
12)    Ace Ventura, Ace Ventura: Pet Detective
13)    Nicky Santoro, Casino
14)    Lt. Colonel Frank Slade, Scent of a Woman
15)    Roy McElvoy, Tin Cup
16)    Will Hunting, Good Will Hunting


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Julius_Goat is me. I'm pretty old, I guess. Estimates range as to how old. I reckon some day I'll get those carbon dating fellas out to my flypaper shack in the Ozarks to test me and then I'll know for sure. Then I'll shoot 'em because I hate trespassers and Nosey Nancies. I keep my teeth in my mouth, but I'm thinking about getting them into a Roth IRA or maybe a hedge fund. I am tall enough to ride all the rides at Seven Flags. I am omnifragrant, which means that I smell of everything, and, therefore, nothing. In my spare time, I catch eagles with my bare hands. You just need plenty of patience, and bare hands. And a gun. In seven years, I've caught 0 eagles. Someday I think I'll catch one, if I just stay positive. Today's the day!


TEAM JULIUS_GOAT


1)     Hannibal Lecter, The Silence of the Lambs
2)     Blake, Glengary Glen Ross
3)    Tommy DeVito, Goodfellas
4)    Milton, Office Space
5)    Dr. Evil, Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery
6)    The Jesus, The Big Lebowski
7)    Buzz Lightyear, Toy Story
8)    Drexel, True Romance
9)    Derek Vinyard, American History X
10)    Annie Bates, Misery
11)    Karl Childers, Sling Blade
12)    "Double Down" Trent, Swingers
13)    Dirk Diggler, Boogie Nights
14)    Wooderson, Dazed and Confused
15)    Donald "Sully" Sullivan, Nobody's Fool
16)    Red, The Shawshank Redemption


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Keep watching this space -- Round 1 begins soon.

3 comments:

23skidoo said...

I will boycot life if I don't see a Durden/Dude showdown.....and where the hell is Walter Sobchack?

23skidoo's honorable not on anyones list mention goes to Trent from Swingers....baby.

Julius_Goat said...

Skiddoo, before we get started I'll probably post a little more about the draft rules, and some thoughts about surprise missing characters.

BTW I am so Trent on my team, baby, you don't even know how Tent on my team I am.

Shrike said...

Definitely looking forward to this.

-PL