I don't often get to see movies in the theater.
But after a particularly bad run at the poker table, last week, I found myself in line at the Tropicana to see, "I am Number Four."
This movie stars Alex Pettyfer as seemingly all-American teenager until an incident while making googly eyes with a girl out in the ocean, sends him and his father, Timothy Olyphant, on the run.
Turns out Alex, or "John Smith," isn't an American teen at all, he's one of nine survivors of a destroyed planet and Olyphant isn't his dad, he's his alien guardian warrior. The incident in the ocean was a third mark burning itself into his skin, indicating that the third of the nine survivors had been killed by the alien terrorists chasing them. Now, John is on the run because three of his countrymen are dead and he is number four.
Now, a movie with extremely high coolness potential, takes a turn for Boringville, Ohio. Literally.
John Smith and his guardian move to small town Ohio where it turns out that an alien hunter who was helping John's kind has disappeared. John befriends the man's son AND falls in love with the pretty blond, Dianna Agron, whose previous claim to fame is playing the pregnant teen Quinn Fabray on Glee. A full hour of this high crap and then the alien terrorists finally tracks down Number Four! But by then you are in a coma out of which no amount of special effect explosions can roust you.
Also, at 1:45, you also quickly realize there is no way they can finish this story in time.
And you'd be right. I am Number Four is clearly set up to be "the first" of a series of some kind.
I doubt the other movies will ever be made though. It was terrible. The best part of the movie is Timothy Olyphant and his, um...well...what's a non spoiler way of saying "won't be available for the sequel"?
Blah. Definite skipola.