That was a movie. With the Avatar lady and Antonio Banderas, right? And that famous song Eiko, Eiko wan nay...or some such.
Maybe not. I'm a little punchdrunk right now (also a movie! Adam Sandler ate pudding and hated his sisters.) Anyway, that I am a working girl is also why this month's movie reviews will be so sparce. And truth be told, I saw these movies last month, but had a feeling I'd be too preoccupied to see new ones, so I held them back. Anyhoo, here goes:
Leap Year (2010)
Romantic comedy starring the ubiquitous Amy Adams and two guys who I'll hopefully never hear from again. This movie suffers from the common malady which often plagues romcoms: namely, everyone involved is an idiot. The girl's boyfriend of five years gives her earrings at a romantic restaurant in a ring shaped box? Yah huh. This prompts her to want to PROPOSE TO HIM?? WHAAA? Then rogue Irish guy needs to make quick money to save his bar, so he drives her cross country through Ireland and falls in love with her irritating, over packed, over planned American...um...adorableness? Strike three. In the end, I didn't hate it, but I also have a soft spot for Ireland. I would not recommend this film to my worst enemy.
Edge of Darkness (2010)
I *would* recommend this movie to my worst enemy! Oh man, it amazes me that I can still be amazed by the crap that makes it to celloid these days. So...um...Mel Gibson's daughter is killed in his arms at their family home. He is a cop and so, naturally, he sets out to find the girl's killer. At first, he thinks it's her boyfriend. But no! Then, he thinks it's an old case of his come back to bite him...WRONG AGAIN! Instead, she is just the latest piece in the dumbest most ridiculous conspiracy in the history of the world! (Although, the underlying crime they are supposedly covering up, is sorta kinda awesome and someone should send a note to the President about it. It's genius. Again, how perfect a job would it be for me to watch TV and movies and let President Obama know about stuff? Someone get his people on the phone with my people!) Yeah, so unless you are hated by me and wish to carry out my punishments against you for me, skip this flick.
Good gravy, this night was really oh for three wasn't it? Nine is wretched. Like downright painfully awful. What a WASTE of Daniel Day Lewis and that Spanish speaking actress. And believe you me, I LOVE MUSICALS, like right now I'm listening to a Pandora station based on Wicked, while toggling youtubes of various Broadway shows and Glee, LOVE. Yet, I wanted to open my veins and write "please turn this movie off" in blood on my DVR player. Thankfully, I thought it through. SKIP!
Clerks 2 [Widescreen] (2006)
Funny story: Evidently, I've never seen Clerks 1. I pretty much hated this movie. (Didn't buy that the rich man's Eva Mendes would get knocked up by this dude, ESPECIALLY if he already had a girlfriend and the friend was just too stupid...blah Oh, and was there a man having sex with a goat or something? Triple blah) However, maybe if I saw Clerks, all of this would make sense or be nostalgic...I dunno. So, my review? It sucked. But I didn't see the first one, so do with this as you will.
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back (2001)
Oh yeah, this was the Kevin Smith day. This movie was terrible. But it was predictably terrible, which made it okay. If you like Jay and Silent Bob, you'll probably like this. Oh shit...you know what? This movie was awesome! I don't need some shitty C-listers coming to my apartment to beat me up.
Black Dynamite (2009)
This is the only movie I'd recommend. It was well done, appropriately tongue in cheek, but with a decent enough plot that you don't feel like you are completely wasting your time! It's a very funny spoof of those 1970s blacksploitation movies, but also keep in mind the crap that I saw before and after it. It may just stand out in my head by comparison. But I don't think so...I think it was good.