Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Dawn's February Movie Roundup

My name is Dawn and it has been more than one month since my last movie round-up. What? I'm feeling Catholicky. Okay, that word disturbs me. And now, I'm sure that's been the title of some really offensive plaid-filled porno. Anyhoo.

Away We Go

I knew nothing about this movie going into it. This, I think, was a plus. If I had known it was the story of Maya What'sherface from SNL and Jim from "The Office," shacking up, getting pregnant then roaming the globe in search of a place to raise said spawn, I don't think I would have seen it. Probably. Which would have been too bad, as I thought the movie was okay. I liked Jim's parents. They basically trigger the wandering with their sudden decision that they didn't want to be the kind of grandparents who "help raise the baby." So much so, they decide to move to Europe and leave Maya and Jim the house. But Maya and Jim were only staying in the North East because they thought his parents would be helping them. (Her parents are dead.) Their first stop takes them to Arizona where Maya's sister lives. This does not work out as her sister is about to enter into a marriage with a loser guy. Then they go to Canada to stay with college friends. This almost works out, but they discover their friend is infertile and it has made her crazy. Away they go to Miami, where Jim's brother has been left by his wife and now wonders what he's gonna do with their seven year old daughter. Um. *blinks*
Ultimately, the couple decides to make their own way in the world and everyone lives averagely ever after. This movie is very realistic. Although it features the grossest pregnancy test EVER. EW.

Up In the Air

I snuck into this movie after being disappointed by Avatar. The movie is about confirmed bachelor, George Clooney - not gay, just unmarried, having a grand old time being single, like Liberace...okay, bad example, but...ugh...forget it. There's no gayness involved. The movie is not at all what I thought and even now it's hard to put into words. He's a veteran company man, the company sends him out with a novice to give her on the job training. She is appalled by his untetheredness and tells him so. Meanwhile, his younger sister is getting married and he plans to go back for it, even though they aren't close. This movie is also very realistic in feel. You know, slow pace, lot of talking. Much misery and settling. You know who will love this movie, people who have settled. They'll be all "see? I knew it! Those confirmed bachelors are really miserable. HA!" You know who shouldn't see this movie? Me.

Dark City

Alceste loan this disc to me and he touted it as a "better Matrix." Now, I loved the Matrix. The first one, not the garbage other ones; though, those did have more black people in them and you know how much I love black people. So, a better Matrix?! What up! Alceste is a liar. A mean, dirty, low down liar! Actually, the movie is intellectually interesting, but I don't think it holds together. The main characters look like a gaggle of stage IV cancer patients and Kieffer Sutherland is a stuttering hunchback. It's very very bizarre. In the end, I didn't hate it as much as I did in the middle when I was thinking up creative ways to kill Alceste, but it's no Matrix. It's not even a better bad Matrix, like Matrix 3.

Saw VI

Sigh. I keep watching them because they keep making them, but they keep making them because I keep watching them. Someone's got to give. Um...not much to say--well, actually, this one was much better than Saw V-which was just horrendous. But, it still wasn't good. I don't like that the series is trending in the direction that makes Jigsaw out to be a madman bent on revenge, rather than the extreme measures teacher that I believe him to be. But that may just be me revealing too much of my own psychoses for a movie review post.

Evil Dead

Alceste makes up for Dark City, with this Sam Raimi classic. I don't know how I've never seen it before. It's about five friends who go camping. (LOL...why do young white people still insist on going camping? Does it ever end without one or more people getting chopped to bits with an axe?) Then I think one girl gets raped by the trees and well, then people start getting stabby.


Bright Star

This movie was so boring, it angered me. Now, I guess it's my own fault. Why should a movie about a 19th century British poet starring no-name actors be interesting? It shouldn't. It wasn't. I was mad. They didn't even use any of my favorite Keats poems. UGH. Nothing redemptive about this movie. At all.

St. Trinian's

This movie was SPLENDED. Mind you, it made no sense in terms of plot or motivation - but it was classic slap schtick, adventure heist genre at its best. The cast is great, the setting is perfect, the jokes make you laugh days, nay weeks, later. I highly recommend it!

Zombieland

Hmm. I thought this movie was going to be awesome because of all the buzz. And in truth, had I not heard all the buzz, I might have been one of the people buzzing about how awesome it was. However, it just couldn't possibly live up to the amazing word of mouth. It's only 88 minutes for goodness sakes and stars the poor man's Michael Cera -- you know, the kid from Adventureland. It is funny. It is a quirky answer to traditional zombie movies AND Bill Murray makes a classic cameo. But don't build it up in your head too much.


Whip It!


Um, this movie is "Bend it like Beckham on roller skates!" Now, I either just made that up or I read it on the DVD box. It stars the Juno girl, who I like very much. It's about chicks with sticks (wait...no...I take that back, there are no sticks...roller derby is more like NASCAR racing, each team tries to get around the track fastest and cause the most suffering to the other team.) There are some cool injuries. I like most of the cast, the story's not annoying, so...yeah, I recommend it. Oh, it's about a teenage beauty pageant contestant, who has grown tired of that circuit and discovers roller derby. She enrolls without her mom's knowledge, lies about her age and turns out to have a real talent for it. Everything goes swell until a member of the rival team, Juliette Lewis, finds out her secret! (One of my favorite moments in the film is when Lewis is all talking to Juno and she's like "I know you little girl, I used to be you!" Cause she totally used to be the kid in the roles that the Juno girl gets now. Ha!


Michael Jackson's This Is It


:-( I am a huge Michael Jackson fan. His death made me very sad. That said, this movie did not make me happy. Yeah, I got to see Michael Jackson singing and dancing...the This is It tour looked crazy cool...but in the end, he's still dead. I'm still sad. If you're a Jackson fan, you should probably see it, window into the genuis and all that; if you're not a Michael Jackson fan, well...poo on you.

Amelia


I didn't like this movie. At all. But I cannot exactly articulate a reason. I love Amelia Earhart hmm....you know, that may be it. I was a huge fan of hers as a kid, I liked her spirit and daring and that she was a woman. This movie kinda focuses on her "as a person." She is very very flawed...almost to the point of being irritating. It's also not that exciting and COME ON, it's a flying movie!! I blame Richard Gere. He ruins everything.


The Hurt Locker


I LOVED THIS MOVIE. I am still struggling about what to make of it, and what its message about the Iraq war is, but blah blah blah this movie kicked ass! There's action, emotion, interesting characters, interesting relationships...okay, one weird ass scene in the middle of the desert, with the actor from Taken, but other than that, the movie hangs together, keeps you interested in the lives of these American soldiers who have to diffuse bombs in the middle of a war. Of all the Best Picture nominees I've seen, this is the only one that I kinda sorta want to see win. (I don't care about the Oscar's on principle. That principle being that Crash sucked and its win taints the Academy with a stank that will never wash away.)

The Invention of Lying


I don't get Ricky Gervais' humor. At all. Not even a little bit. If I could, I would like to dissect him to find out why others find him so funny. At the experiment's end, I would know! And Ricky Gervais would be dead and unable to make any more irritating "comedy." Um...so...that's a "no, I did not like this movie." It was such a GREAT premise too! What would you do if you were the only one who could lie and EVERYONE had to believe you. Aw, man. Give me that world! Tina Fey is in it and she's so wasted in the movie. Everyone is wasted in the movie. Except Gervais and that annoying fat kid from Knocked Up. This movie is just about what I expect from them.

Bruno

I was hoping Astin had already seen and loved/hated this movie, so I could take the opposite and know what to expect. Alas, he hadn't, so I went in blind. It was pretty good. I preface that analysis with this warning: IT IS SEXUALLY EXPLICIT BEYOND THE BOUNDARIES OF GROSS. But at times, the movies shines as some of the finest mockumentary satire I've seen since Michael Moore's "Bowling for Columbine." That's the kind of humor, by the way. He takes unsuspecting Americans and sees how they will react to him staging a recreation of the crucifixtion using babies. Or filming a MMA-like audience as they watch the wrestlers in the ring go from death match fighting to making out and gay sex having. It's not so much "ha ha funny" as "makes you think funny" with a lot of gay sex. And matchy matchy clothes.

Home Room

This movie stars a couple of actresses who are famous now, but probably weren't famous when the movie was made. Um...they are also not so famous that I know their names: the white girl who has sex for drugs in Traffic and the younger girlfriend of Courteney Cox in Cougartown. The movie is a panoply of A-list tv actors, though! The Chief from Grey's Anatomy, Jack Bristow from Alias...and others. It's about a Columbine style killing and whether this one weirdo girl with black hair had advance warning that the massacre would happen. The principal then forces her to become friends with one of the survivors of the shooting. With a little help from each other can they both put the horror behind them and begin to heal? Yes. Yes, they can.

9

A Tim Burton cartoon. And yes, I LOOKED IT UP TO MAKE SURE! Here's what the official description of this movie said: "a story about a sentient rag doll living in a post-apocalyptic world who tries to stop machines from destroying the rest of his eight fellow rag dolls." Uh huh. You know what it is in reality? The not-so-exciting adventures of the socks you lose in the dryer! This movie is weird and not good weird. Bad weird. And boring and did I say weird? Cause it's weird. Run away.

13 comments:

F-Train said...

I LOL at people who say Dark City was a "better Matrix". Matrix was a better Dark City.

That's not hard tho. Dark City kinda sucked.

PetiteDov said...

"the poor man's Michael Cera -- you know, the kid from Adventureland."
That's exactly what he is! I can't wait to see the Hurt Locker.

Also, Bowling for Columbine was horribly manipulative and I thought that back when I was a super-duper liberal. So um, probably Bruno not my cup of tea.

Your reviews are hilarious! I love when you blog!

Alceste said...

I believe I said it was like the Matrix with better acting (which is true) -- I didn't think you were going to like it -- (not enough action, too weird) -- but I did enjoy the movie (and certainly better than the incoherent Matrix 3).

As for the Evil Dead, you apparently needed more nerd friends in college.

Dawn Summers said...

Why do nerds like the Evil Dead?

Astin said...

I like to think of The Matrix as a Dark City ripoff. There's SO much that's directly lifted from that movie that I'm amazed there wasn't a lawsuit.

Not saying Dark City is better necessarily.

Alceste said...

Astin, I had that feeling when I first watched it, but looking back, the brothers W took from so many different sources that I think it's a bit much to call it a ripoff (then again, they used an actual Dark City rooftop set early in the movie, so I suppose they gave a small nod to its influence).

Gib said...

Dark City is so better than the Matrix sequels. Which, admittedly, is like being the smartest thing Joe Biden's ever said, but still, it was good.

HighOnPoker said...

Dark City came out before Matrix, so it couldn't have ripped off Matrix (unless it ripped off the Matrix comic book, from which Matrix was based).

The REAL better version of Matrix is Existenz. Dawn, please get it on Netflix and include it in your next review. I have a feeling you'll like it.

Otherwise, another great set of reviews. Great job, Dawn.

Poker said...

Ok, Jordan it is in the queue. I know who to blame. You are very brave.

madbrooklyn said...

Oh no, Dawn's first foray into Cronenberg - can't wait to hear/read about the results.

I keep suggesting Blue Velvet but I have a feeling I'll be paying the price on this site.

BLAARGH! said...

Dawn - get evil dead 2... rami got a little bit of money and basically redid evil dead (evil dead was his college film, or right after college, i can't remember) - I think 2 is funnier and weirder. 3 doesn't live up, but still worth a couple hours if you have nothing else going on...
And kiefer KILLED Dark City. I liked the movie but I can never watch it again because of his stupidly bad acting.
And if you really want to smash your tv, rent City of Ember. Not even Bill Murray can save that f'ed up piece of shit.

Lucky said...

Dawn will HATE Existenz. You heard it here first.

甜心時刻 said...

If you can not be kind, at least have the decency to be vague.............................................