Monday, October 12, 2009

Like Movies actually have to have some sort of "talent" to be entertaining - SHEESH!

I read a recent review here and laughed a little. Actually I rolled on the floor, and once idle in the prone position hit the floor with wide gaping slams of both fists because I couldn't take the laughter. Yes, it was that bad... or good.

What I am referring to is Goats destruction of 2012 starring John Cusack. I mean, he starts his post out with "the upcoming terrible movie 2012". He hasn't even seen it yet. That's what makes me laugh. I know, vague... but I'll get to that.

I get that there are those of you out there with some sort of inclination that movie going must stimulate the intellect and give you some sort of material to spew among pages (such as this blog) your thoughts so that others may see you as intelligent. But some movies aren't made for that. Some movies are made to make money (actually all of them), and you aren't a better person because you won't see it. It doesn't make you smarter, and it certainly doesn't separate you, intellectually, from others either.

Spouting off in comments that you can't wait to "not see this" is pretty effing stupid as well. It's almost as if you are accusing others who do want to see it of being dumb. The bottom line is this movie will be a huge block buster. It won't matter how stupid the premise is. It won't matter how bad the acting is, and it certainly won't matter how much you think the actors have sold out.

The bottom line is, it's a genius movie. Here's why. One, the movie makes no assumption that it's an academy award winner. It's a mindless stream of special effects chronicling the demise of human civilization based on current events and the history of the Mayan calendar. Of course it's supposed to be STUPID. Everyone is interested in how the world ends. It's been like that forever. Every generation has their apocalyptic scenarios. This alone will ensure masses of the population, world wide, will plop down $12 to go see this ridiculous movie. I know I will. Cuz I love this type of shit. Destruction by waves, planes flying through buildings that seem to keep getting higher right before they fall. California falling into the Pacific. Mindless action at it's best. I especially like the Woody Harrelson part where he plays the "I told you so" nut case.

The story behind the plot is mind numbing (in a bad way). That is some organization that eludes to the fact that they know this is going to happen. The government knows about this as well and have decided to do nothing about it. Pure Genius. Or not. See the purpose of this movie is not to stimulate your intellect or make you think about life, or even impress upon you the jewels within humanity by utilizing a character with downs syndrome. The redemption in this movie isn't strung together by some war hero coming home and realizing that it wasn't his fault. The purpose is to make money. The genius part is by exploiting something that everyone is thinking about, that everyone is reading about, and that everyone is watching. Yes, watching. The history channel, Nat Geo, Discovery channel, they all have multiple shows on this "phenomenon" getting ratings that would make fox news green with envy when they air.

So the studios, in their efforts to make the stock holders happy, must put out a movie like this. It's really a no brainer. Please tell me you aren't that shallow, that intellectually snobbish to tear at people for going to see this film.

My point is, you can't critique anything on something that it's makers had no intention on providing. Now, if you want to do that, let's make a comparison.

2012: Seeking Closure is a movie in production. Again, this movie is about the end of the world based on the Mayans prediction that the world ends on December 21, 2012. But this movie goes about it by chronicling several stories of personal anguish and how they go about rectifying their issues before the world ends. Here's a clip:

I don't have much information to go on with this movie because it is still in production but I think its intent is clear. That is, to provide a movie that details how people will find redemption and peace in their lives with their loved ones and themselves BECAUSE the world is ending.

If you want to rip that one, go ahead. Of course I'm not sure that you can. I will, because who the f%@# cares about how you are feeling, or how you are going to find redemption. I mean JESUS, the world is ending. How gay is that plot line? Let me live like a douchebag, and then FINALLY decide to do something about it cause I have to. No more "pity me, need me, love me in all my imperfect ways". The bottom line is, if the world is ending, I'm all about finding a way to survive. I think most humans will be that way, and the fact that you gave me the clap, or failed to show up at a meeting because you were snorting a line will seem pretty goddamn irrelevant.

Don't judge Q-sack for being a sell out. His recent past in movie making hasn't been stellar. My guess is he's looking for a pay day. I for one will be helping with that cause.

Authors note: I get why the Goat made his post, and I am not ripping his opinion. Just poking fun at some hypocrisy because I know Orville Redenbacher will increase sales as he rents this movie On Demand or via netflix over and over and over again. :)


Julius_Goat said...

This is the "2012" of posts.

Julius_Goat said...

OK, OK, I guess I'll take these points in order.

1) I don't want movies that stimulate my intellect so that I FEEL like an intelligent person. I want movies that stimulate my intellect because I actually AM an intelligent person. This informs my tastes in movies. This is not, of course, to say that a smart person can't like dumb movies. I like some dumb movies. But I reserve the right to point out that they are dumb.

2) Your main point seems to be that I'm getting after the people who go see this. This is in no way supported by a reading of the actual piece. I in no way think that somebody who goes to see "2012" is stupid for doing so. A movie can be a lot of things. A roller coaster is only one of them. If somebody wants to go see a roller coaster, that's fine. I just think it looks like a pretty stupid roller coaster, that's all. My opinion is in no way meant to, nor in any way does it (if you read it), confer stupidity by osmosis on those who go see it. Nor do I ever blame the victim for the crime, it's just wrong.

3) You make another point, less developed, that I judge the movie without seeing it. Not so much. My main takedown is of an actual clip, which I have, in fact, seen, and which is, in fact, completely ridiculous. But OK. I do in fact judge this movie without having seen it by calling it an "upcoming terrible movie". I do this partially for puposes of rhetoric. I also base this this judgement in part on the clip. However, yes, OK, I do judge the whole movie without seeing it. You got me. You in your defense of "2012" do the same, by making any number of assumptions, including calling it a "ridiculous" movie. In any event, I think defending a movie without seeing it is just as silly as slamming one without seeing it.

4) Your other main point seems to be that "2012" is a very smart movie to make from a business perspective, because it will make a ton of money. If you read what I wrote, I actually allude to this. I think it will make a ton of money. In no way at any point did I suggest that "2012" is a dumb business move, but this is entirely beside the point. "Making a lot of money" isn't an indication of quality for good or bad, though. It is more of an indication of how a marketing team did. I'll get more into this when I start a marketing blog in a few months.

5) I do give Q-Sack a little bit of crap for being in this big bit of crap. I do it for laffs. If I were John Cusack, I would take millions of dollars in exchange for getting into a mocked-up limo set and making an O-face in front of a green screen for a month. I'd do it right away. And good for him. He still looks like he's melted though.

6)Your are stupid for watching "2012." Not anybody else. Just you. Deal with it.

23skidoo said...

Fucking brilliant Riggs.