Monday, September 28, 2009

Crank 2, aka the AYFKM movie

Let it be said that I own every Jason Statham movie out on DVD. Even Transporter 2. Why? Because he is yummalicious, that's why.

I liked Crank. I liked the choppy editing style, energy, the language; no subtlety there. And hey, how can you hate a movie with a sex-in-public scene?

And then I saw the trailer for Crank 2. Seriously? I had to watch it, if only to see how they manage to keep Chev Chelios alive after falling out of a helicopter and falling for like, a mile. So, I rented it today for a giggle, knowing it would be gloriously bad

Well, it was kinda like watching the second Snake Plissken movie. It followed a pretty clear formula based on the first one. Oh look, he's gonna die unless he does something extreme every so often.

And yes, before you say it, I know, I KNOW it's one of those movies, the kind where all reality is suspended. Even so, I found myself saying, "are you fucking kidding me" a lot.

Being able to watch his own heart transplant. AYFKM?

Getting jump started from a car battery. AYFKM?

Tasering himself over and over. AYFKM?

Having sex on the racetrack and able to hit at least 6 positions 1) without getting yanked off the track and 2) before the horses jumped over them. AYFKM?

The Godzilla-esque battle between Chelios and the Asian dude in the transformer yard. Not just AYFKM, but WTF were they smoking?!?

The talking head in a jar a la Futurama. AYFKM?

And that's not even mentioning the guy with Full Body Tourettes who rides a motorcycle, the Asian chick played with brilliant insanity by Ling Bai, the guy who has to cut off his own nipples because he failed his boss, the 180-year-old Triad boss who goes out cruising for hookers with renewed vigor thanks to a newly installed heart formerly belonging to Chelios, etc., etc.

The whole thing has left me feeling dizzy.

Am I going to buy it and put it with the rest of the Jason Statham movies? Fuck, yes!


madbrooklyn said...

I'm with you - I'll watch anything with Jason Statham in it. Watched Death Race the other day - how can you not like a movie with both Statham and Ian McShane in it?

Shrike said...

But what was Joan Allen doing in it?