Water for Elephants
This movie stars Reese Witherspoon and that Twilight vampire guy. It's one of those old man wanders into a tent and the young guy sitting at the desk goes "so old timer, tell me your life story" movies. It wasn't the worst AND a horse gets shot in the face, so there's that. I think it's a love story, if you're cool with some dude breaking up a marriage and running off with the wife...
Attack the Block
This movie was really good! It starts off slow and you've got to struggle through thick British accents AND insane kid slang, so it gets off to a slow start and you're not really sure what you're watching. During this time period, you may threaten bodily harm across International borders. But by the end, it's your old fashioned good guys vs. bad guys ass kicking. Stuff gets hacked, shot and BLOWED THE HELL UP!!! DUUUDDEEEE! WOOOO!
Larry Crowne
This movie is AWFUL. I can't think of the name, but Will Ferrell did a movie where he plays an alcoholic who gets fired and dumped and ends up living on his lawn. Go see that movie instead if you wanna see a middle aged white man going through a boring life change. Tom Hanks is affable enough, but Julia Roberts is a total bitch who hates her job, yet we're supposed to believe she inspires community college students to come in for a 7 am class. Whatevs.
Bad Teacher
THIS MOVIE WAS GREAT!! I know it's not saying much, but this is Cameron Diaz' BEST movie BY FAR! I don't know why it got universally panned, but this tale of a disinterested teacher just looking to find a rich dude to marry, is funny, smart, evil, yet heart warming in the end... so good! They did not need to stoop to the stunt Justin Timberlake casting.
Crazy, Stupid, Love
I liked this movie, which means that if Steve Carrell wasn't in it, I would probably love it. (I just find his mannerisms annoying, particularly his face and voice and body.) I do not approve of the teenage stalker storyline (no means no, kids, no matter what the movies say) but everything else was good, believable and I even thought the twist made sense. Good flick.
Warrior
This movie was terrific! It inspired me to begin training for my MMA career as "Black Fists of Justice" or "Cholera." Iggy says Black Fists is better and he's my manager, so I'm probably going with that. The movie is contrived. Basically, it's about two unknown fighters who enter a winner takes all fighting tournament in Atlantic City. They have to defeat the best in the world and the big names and if they do, then they have to face each other. OH AND THEY'RE BROTHERS! WHHATTT??? MIND? BLOWN!
Ondine
As the little girl protagonist says "You're a shite storyteller, Da." And this movie reflects it. A fisherman plucks a chick out of the water, he is a recovering alcoholic, so he doesn't quite believe she's real. He has a daughter, a precocious 11 year old with kidney failure, so she's in a wheelchair (Huh? WHAT?). The kid convinces him the woman must be a magical mermaid with powers. Bleh. I dunno. Like I said, shite.
From Prada to Nada
This movie is On the WaterFront* and The never Ending story* AND Wrath of Khan* all rolled into one, BUT WITH MEXICAN-AMERICAN GIRLS! Their father dies and they discover he was broke all along! Their evil sister in law convinces their brother to buy the house and kicks the girls out into the street. They move in with their aunt in East LA, even though they don't speak Spanish or eat carbs! Ai Ya Yi! Then their aunt sells their Prada bag. Leaving them with nada. Whoops...was that a spoiler? Balls.
Prom
I never went to my prom. So I don't know how true to life this Disney rendition is, but Julie Taylor has to go to prom alone, so... yeah, I call bullshit. It was cute though. Predictable down to the last musical montage, but cute. Oh, but the black girl does end up alone, so that's true.
Mars Needs Moms!
This movie is HORRENDOUS. LIKE FOR REALZ. HORR. EN. DOUS. This kid's mom is kidnapped, he gets sucked up in the spaceship after her, runs into this man - who had been sucked up under similar circumstances 20 years ago, when he was a boy. BLECH. Awful and sexist and awful.
* Author has never seen any of these movies.
Wednesday, February 1, 2012
Friday, January 6, 2012
TIFF Review - Melancholia
The world ends.
Now that's out of the way, we can move forward with the movie. Don't worry, the world ends at the beginning, in one of the most gorgeous opening sequences ever committed to film. Lars von Trier's latest is fantastic film-
making.
Much has been made of this being his exploration of his own depression, and this movie is sure to help people understand what that might feel like.
Justine (Kirsten Dunst) and Michael (Alexander Skarsgard) are on their way to their wedding at Justine's sister's (Claire - Charlotte Gainsbourg) manor, which is due to the obviously extravagant wealth of Claire's husband John (Kiefer Sutherland), playing an incredibly charming asshole. As the night progresses, it becomes obvious that there is a fair bit of darkness underneath the virginal white surface of the event. Things get progressively worse until everyone goes home.
Months later, Justine returns to the house, catatonic with crippling depression. Terrified by a premonition she doesn't verbalize. Her family tries to help her through this bout, while fighting among themselves. While this is the focus, it's hardly the major plot point. A planet dubbed Melancholia has appeared in our solar system and is heading towards Earth. Not to worry though, as scientists have reassured the population that while it will come close, it will miss our planet while providing the most beautiful sight the world has ever seen. John, an amateur astronomer reassures his wife of this regularly.
As Claire's concerns about the oncoming planet increase, Justine comes out of her depression and starts connecting with her family again. Then things get darker.
No description of the plot can do justice to this film. I generally dislike Dunst's work, but she her accolades for this one are well-deserved. The acting, the cinematography, and the underlying sense of dread and discomfort (things von Trier excels at) all come together to create a unique cinematic experience. I recommend seeing this one in theatres, but if you have to see it at home, put it on a big screen and turn up the bass.
Now that's out of the way, we can move forward with the movie. Don't worry, the world ends at the beginning, in one of the most gorgeous opening sequences ever committed to film. Lars von Trier's latest is fantastic film-
making.
Much has been made of this being his exploration of his own depression, and this movie is sure to help people understand what that might feel like.
Justine (Kirsten Dunst) and Michael (Alexander Skarsgard) are on their way to their wedding at Justine's sister's (Claire - Charlotte Gainsbourg) manor, which is due to the obviously extravagant wealth of Claire's husband John (Kiefer Sutherland), playing an incredibly charming asshole. As the night progresses, it becomes obvious that there is a fair bit of darkness underneath the virginal white surface of the event. Things get progressively worse until everyone goes home.
Months later, Justine returns to the house, catatonic with crippling depression. Terrified by a premonition she doesn't verbalize. Her family tries to help her through this bout, while fighting among themselves. While this is the focus, it's hardly the major plot point. A planet dubbed Melancholia has appeared in our solar system and is heading towards Earth. Not to worry though, as scientists have reassured the population that while it will come close, it will miss our planet while providing the most beautiful sight the world has ever seen. John, an amateur astronomer reassures his wife of this regularly.
As Claire's concerns about the oncoming planet increase, Justine comes out of her depression and starts connecting with her family again. Then things get darker.
No description of the plot can do justice to this film. I generally dislike Dunst's work, but she her accolades for this one are well-deserved. The acting, the cinematography, and the underlying sense of dread and discomfort (things von Trier excels at) all come together to create a unique cinematic experience. I recommend seeing this one in theatres, but if you have to see it at home, put it on a big screen and turn up the bass.
TIFF Review - Juan of the Dead
There are two types of people in this world - those for whom the title Juan of the Dead is enough to see this movie, those for whom it isn't, and those who can't count. Keeping that in mind, this is another fun zombie movie.
The name immediately invokes thoughts of it being nothing more than a Cuban Shaun of the Dead rip-off/homage. But it is far from that. While there are some obvious similarities, Juan actually takes things in some interesting directions.
The zombies are portrayed by the Cuban media as dissidents, and anarcho-capitalists under the influence of the United States. As the situation gets progressively worse, the state-controlled media gets cheerier and more patriotic despite the fact that anyone can look out their window and see that things are going to hell.Yet still, the people rally and cheer to their obvious detriment. Meanwhile, our heroes are too jaded and lazy to bother getting excited.
That is, until Juan (Alexis Diaz de Villegas, who could be John Turturro's cuban brother) realizes the money-making potential in the situation. People are at home with loved ones turning into the undead. Juan and his companions all have some form of military training (a couple wars, and the constant threat of US invasion keep them primed), and have managed to kill their share of these dissidents already, so why not sell their services to those who need their loved ones taken care of?
What follows is part romp, part action movie, and what I can only assume is a large part social commentary. There's comedic and creative zombie kills, playing with language barriers when an English-speaking priest comes into play, and a pretty realistic (for lack of a better word) impression of how a bunch of talented, yet lazy miscreants would react to a zombie invasion in an isolated location.
But underlying it all is Juan's love of his daughter, his friends, and ultimately, his country. This is a Cuban movie that both mocks the regime and professes its patriotism to home. Drop in some nods to better-known zombie fare, and you've got a more than worthwhile experience for the fans.
The name immediately invokes thoughts of it being nothing more than a Cuban Shaun of the Dead rip-off/homage. But it is far from that. While there are some obvious similarities, Juan actually takes things in some interesting directions.
The zombies are portrayed by the Cuban media as dissidents, and anarcho-capitalists under the influence of the United States. As the situation gets progressively worse, the state-controlled media gets cheerier and more patriotic despite the fact that anyone can look out their window and see that things are going to hell.Yet still, the people rally and cheer to their obvious detriment. Meanwhile, our heroes are too jaded and lazy to bother getting excited.
That is, until Juan (Alexis Diaz de Villegas, who could be John Turturro's cuban brother) realizes the money-making potential in the situation. People are at home with loved ones turning into the undead. Juan and his companions all have some form of military training (a couple wars, and the constant threat of US invasion keep them primed), and have managed to kill their share of these dissidents already, so why not sell their services to those who need their loved ones taken care of?
What follows is part romp, part action movie, and what I can only assume is a large part social commentary. There's comedic and creative zombie kills, playing with language barriers when an English-speaking priest comes into play, and a pretty realistic (for lack of a better word) impression of how a bunch of talented, yet lazy miscreants would react to a zombie invasion in an isolated location.
But underlying it all is Juan's love of his daughter, his friends, and ultimately, his country. This is a Cuban movie that both mocks the regime and professes its patriotism to home. Drop in some nods to better-known zombie fare, and you've got a more than worthwhile experience for the fans.
Wednesday, January 4, 2012
All these movies are terrible
I've always wanted a month where I could definitively describe all the movies I saw as one thing or the other. However, I usually watch too many for that to be possible. Not so for this month! Kudos to all the following sucktacular flicks:
One Day
This was the last movie that I saw in 2011. It stars Anne Hathaway doing an awful and inconsistent British accent and some British actor I've never seen before. He is NOT attractive. Here's why that's important: Hathaway is supposedly in love with him for 20 years despite the fact that he's a self centered, crude, womanizing alcoholic. OH AND HE DOESN'T LOVE HER BACK. O_o This movie will make you stabby.
Margin Call
This movie is supposedly about the financial crisis -- but it has more of a "play on film" feel where there is a lot of exposition and very little visualization. No, I do not know what either of those words mean. I rented it because Kevin Spacey is in it. I forgot that he sucks now. And this movie sucks. It's a lot of white dudes in suits incredulously staring at computer screens going "are these figures, right?! Get Jack in here!" And then Jack comes in and he's all "Are these figures, right!? Where's Alan?!" And so on. This movie will make you shooty.
Midnight in Paris
A movie starring Owen Wilson, directed by Woody Allen AND SET IN FRANCE??! I brought this debacle on myself. I see that now. It's a "comedy" where the central couple clearly hates each other and so seek companionship in other people they actually like, and we're supposed to think that's funny. There's also some kind of time traveling involved as Wilson's character gets transported back to Paris in the 20s every day at midnight. Or he has a tumor. I'm not quite sure. I liked Kathy Bates' character, but on the whole this movie will make you hang from a ropey.
The Change-Up
This is the first nearly unwatchable Ryan Reynolds movie I've ever seen. I...no words. It's some kind of take on the "Freaky Friday" genre where family man Jason Bateman switches bodies with free spirit bachelor Reynolds and "hijinks"? ensue. Awful just awful horrible terrible. This movie will make you jump off a bridgey.
Net Worth
I put this on my queue thinking it was the aforementioned "Margin Call." So, instead of that bad 2010 movie, I got this bad 1980s movie. Oy. It's about the efforts of Ted Lindsay to unionize the NHL in the 1950s and how Gordie Howe stabs him in the back and pulls out the Detriot Red Wings support. I suppose it's interesting if you know nothing about hockey or hockey history and want to shock and amaze your friends by kinda knowing that Conn Smythe isn't just a trophy. However, it's pretty poorly acted, shot and written. This movie will make you sleepy.
In a Better World
Some kind of foreign film, but I could never figure out what country it's set in exactly. It's about two pre teen boys who are outcasts and one decides to blow up a truck and the other one goes along with the plan, but then when he sees a woman walking near the truck with her daughter, he runs in front of them and is himself blown up. As uninteresting as that summary is, I have made this movie sound 400% more interesting than it actually is. It is also inexplicably 180 minutes long. O_o This movie will make you drug overdosey.
Hunger
I thought this was the movie where Batman lost so much weight he was down to double digits. I was wrong. Instead it's a cheap Saw knock off that took me like five attempts to finish even though it was only 89 minutes long. Blech. So some guy takes 8 people hostage for 30 days and records what they devolve into deprived of food and external society. Yes, people get eaten... yet, this movie is still totally boring. This movie will make you wrist slitty.
One Day
This was the last movie that I saw in 2011. It stars Anne Hathaway doing an awful and inconsistent British accent and some British actor I've never seen before. He is NOT attractive. Here's why that's important: Hathaway is supposedly in love with him for 20 years despite the fact that he's a self centered, crude, womanizing alcoholic. OH AND HE DOESN'T LOVE HER BACK. O_o This movie will make you stabby.
Margin Call
This movie is supposedly about the financial crisis -- but it has more of a "play on film" feel where there is a lot of exposition and very little visualization. No, I do not know what either of those words mean. I rented it because Kevin Spacey is in it. I forgot that he sucks now. And this movie sucks. It's a lot of white dudes in suits incredulously staring at computer screens going "are these figures, right?! Get Jack in here!" And then Jack comes in and he's all "Are these figures, right!? Where's Alan?!" And so on. This movie will make you shooty.
Midnight in Paris
A movie starring Owen Wilson, directed by Woody Allen AND SET IN FRANCE??! I brought this debacle on myself. I see that now. It's a "comedy" where the central couple clearly hates each other and so seek companionship in other people they actually like, and we're supposed to think that's funny. There's also some kind of time traveling involved as Wilson's character gets transported back to Paris in the 20s every day at midnight. Or he has a tumor. I'm not quite sure. I liked Kathy Bates' character, but on the whole this movie will make you hang from a ropey.
The Change-Up
This is the first nearly unwatchable Ryan Reynolds movie I've ever seen. I...no words. It's some kind of take on the "Freaky Friday" genre where family man Jason Bateman switches bodies with free spirit bachelor Reynolds and "hijinks"? ensue. Awful just awful horrible terrible. This movie will make you jump off a bridgey.
Net Worth
I put this on my queue thinking it was the aforementioned "Margin Call." So, instead of that bad 2010 movie, I got this bad 1980s movie. Oy. It's about the efforts of Ted Lindsay to unionize the NHL in the 1950s and how Gordie Howe stabs him in the back and pulls out the Detriot Red Wings support. I suppose it's interesting if you know nothing about hockey or hockey history and want to shock and amaze your friends by kinda knowing that Conn Smythe isn't just a trophy. However, it's pretty poorly acted, shot and written. This movie will make you sleepy.
In a Better World
Some kind of foreign film, but I could never figure out what country it's set in exactly. It's about two pre teen boys who are outcasts and one decides to blow up a truck and the other one goes along with the plan, but then when he sees a woman walking near the truck with her daughter, he runs in front of them and is himself blown up. As uninteresting as that summary is, I have made this movie sound 400% more interesting than it actually is. It is also inexplicably 180 minutes long. O_o This movie will make you drug overdosey.
Hunger
I thought this was the movie where Batman lost so much weight he was down to double digits. I was wrong. Instead it's a cheap Saw knock off that took me like five attempts to finish even though it was only 89 minutes long. Blech. So some guy takes 8 people hostage for 30 days and records what they devolve into deprived of food and external society. Yes, people get eaten... yet, this movie is still totally boring. This movie will make you wrist slitty.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
December Movie Reviews
Bridesmaids
O_O THIS piece of hackneyed garbage represents the dawning of female comedy? SERIOUSLY? I laughed like TWICE! Once when Maya Rudolph craps in the street in a wedding gown and then when the fat lady steals the dogs. THAT'S IT! The rest was your typical "oh, I want to be married so bad, oh, hey, look the cop who stopped me is in love with me, but I can't see it" drivel! Traffic cops are the WORST! They NEVER love anybody, they just give you tickets and make you sit in the squad car for thirteen hours! Um... that's what I've heard anyway... This movie is WRETCHED!
Animal Kingdom
This movie is super weird. It's about an Irish (I think) family of gangsters and drug addicts. When the drug addict mom dies and her kid goes to live with his gangster uncles, it gets even weirder. So, the kid tries to be a gangster, but they just want him to be a patsy fall guy and then he tries to get out, but things go horribly wrong... but then he goes back to live with them... I dunno. Weird.
The Greatest Movie Ever Sold
I liked this movie. I mean, Morgan Spurlock (best known for trying to ruin my life with his opus on the harms of fast food: Supersize Me), is a bit too proud of himself for his pretty obvious "buying in" gimmick, but the movie works. It's an inside look into the world of product placement by getting the companies themselves to place their products in the movie. I'll tell you whut, I still have a hankering for some POM wonderful pomegranate juice!
30 Days of Night: Dark Days
This is a sequel to the pretty awesome movie 30 days Night about an Alaskan town facing a month of no sunlight when they get attacked by vampires. This movie is the opposite of awesome. AND THEY KILL THE BLACK GUY FIRST! THE HELL?? What year is this?! BOOSHIT! And no, I didn't just "ruin" it for you, it was ruined WAY WAY WAY before that. Like somewhere around the semi-colon in the title.
The Tree of Life
I can't believe I've wasted my best O_O face and "oh god this movie is horrible" lines and I didn't even get to the Tree of Life yet! *throws self into oncoming traffic* Apparently, there were movie theaters that put up signs saying "no refunds will be given for The Tree of Life." That pretty much sums up this "movie." Quote marks are because this is more of a clip show of boring stuff that happens in nature and children chasing DDT trucks. Yarf.
Fast Five
I liked this movie! I think the main characters wore too many clothes, I mean, why is Vin Diesel even wearing a shirt in Brasil? WHY? And THE ROCK is in it and honestly, does he really need pants to play a badass law enforcement agent? NO! And um... I think there are cars... and stuff is furious...er...LESS PANTS!
Jumping the Broom
This isn't the suckiest TD Jakes movie I've ever seen and it's better than most of Tyler Perry's crap, so... win? The tale of a new money black guy marrying an old money black girl still played into old stereotypes that rich black people "act white" and working class black people are "ghetto." Meh. Again, not the worst. Though, unless you are racist and try to see movies with black actors, there's no reason to watch this.
O_O THIS piece of hackneyed garbage represents the dawning of female comedy? SERIOUSLY? I laughed like TWICE! Once when Maya Rudolph craps in the street in a wedding gown and then when the fat lady steals the dogs. THAT'S IT! The rest was your typical "oh, I want to be married so bad, oh, hey, look the cop who stopped me is in love with me, but I can't see it" drivel! Traffic cops are the WORST! They NEVER love anybody, they just give you tickets and make you sit in the squad car for thirteen hours! Um... that's what I've heard anyway... This movie is WRETCHED!
Animal Kingdom
This movie is super weird. It's about an Irish (I think) family of gangsters and drug addicts. When the drug addict mom dies and her kid goes to live with his gangster uncles, it gets even weirder. So, the kid tries to be a gangster, but they just want him to be a patsy fall guy and then he tries to get out, but things go horribly wrong... but then he goes back to live with them... I dunno. Weird.
The Greatest Movie Ever Sold
I liked this movie. I mean, Morgan Spurlock (best known for trying to ruin my life with his opus on the harms of fast food: Supersize Me), is a bit too proud of himself for his pretty obvious "buying in" gimmick, but the movie works. It's an inside look into the world of product placement by getting the companies themselves to place their products in the movie. I'll tell you whut, I still have a hankering for some POM wonderful pomegranate juice!
30 Days of Night: Dark Days
This is a sequel to the pretty awesome movie 30 days Night about an Alaskan town facing a month of no sunlight when they get attacked by vampires. This movie is the opposite of awesome. AND THEY KILL THE BLACK GUY FIRST! THE HELL?? What year is this?! BOOSHIT! And no, I didn't just "ruin" it for you, it was ruined WAY WAY WAY before that. Like somewhere around the semi-colon in the title.
The Tree of Life
I can't believe I've wasted my best O_O face and "oh god this movie is horrible" lines and I didn't even get to the Tree of Life yet! *throws self into oncoming traffic* Apparently, there were movie theaters that put up signs saying "no refunds will be given for The Tree of Life." That pretty much sums up this "movie." Quote marks are because this is more of a clip show of boring stuff that happens in nature and children chasing DDT trucks. Yarf.
Fast Five
I liked this movie! I think the main characters wore too many clothes, I mean, why is Vin Diesel even wearing a shirt in Brasil? WHY? And THE ROCK is in it and honestly, does he really need pants to play a badass law enforcement agent? NO! And um... I think there are cars... and stuff is furious...er...LESS PANTS!
Jumping the Broom
This isn't the suckiest TD Jakes movie I've ever seen and it's better than most of Tyler Perry's crap, so... win? The tale of a new money black guy marrying an old money black girl still played into old stereotypes that rich black people "act white" and working class black people are "ghetto." Meh. Again, not the worst. Though, unless you are racist and try to see movies with black actors, there's no reason to watch this.
Wednesday, November 2, 2011
November movie reviews
The Dancer Upstairs
This movie is one of those arty political thrillers that, honestly, are pretty much hit or miss. All the conversations are veiled and twisty, there are many shots of furtive glances and playful school children right before a bomb goes off. Meh. This one is a miss. It's very long and none of the characters are particularly interesting. The fact that the title is the title, you right away know that the dancer upstairs is more than we think her to be, but the movie drags the "suspense" on forever.
Scenes from a Marriage
This movie is four hours long, is in Swedish and is 40 years old. Clearly, Netflix hates me. It was okay, I guess. But I can't recommend anyone watch this unless they are related to one of the actors in it or something.
It's just not worth the time and energy to basically read a movie for four hours.
Who Killed the Electric Car?
This is a documentary that is mostly well done. I did burst out laughing at the soccer moms crying and getting arrested because they wanted to save their electric cars. Good lord, if ever the hashtag #whitepeople was appropriate... This film tells the story of what happened when California passed an ordinance requiring zero emissions cars. And how Motor City made a compliant electric car, while at the same time unleashing their lawyers to fight the law. Lawyers won.
Sucker Punch
I thought this movie was going to be good. I was wrong. Dude. So so so wrong. I can't even give y'all a synopsis. There are scantily clad young girls doing erotic dances, though... if that's your thing.
The Trip
This movie has a "Dinner with Andre" feel. Two guys who have been friends for a while go on a roadtrip after the one dude's girlfriend breaks up with him and drops out of the trip. There is a resentment between them which simmers just below the surface as they banter and sing ABBA songs along the way. It's a good watch.
The Rocket
So... I think I meant to rent Bottle Rocket... not this biography of some Canadian hockey player. It's in French. OH, my favorite part though is when the hockey player guy writes a scathing editorial about the discrimination against French Canadians. I was all "wait, I thought all Canadians were French!" #noraces
Mystery, Alaska
This movie features some version of the New York Rangers. I was very excited about that...and then I wasn't. It's a flick about a hard scrabble bunch of hockey players from Alaska who get the chance to take on the big boys from the NHL. I think I was supposed to be rooting for them. I wasn't. *whistles*
Hanna
I think the fact that I see this movie as a primer on child rearing, might be a reason I am childless. It's a great ride. You follow Hanna from her days living in the wild, killing deer, to her fight for her life against a covert government agency tracking her and her father. There is blood. Oh yes, there is blood.
Scream 4
The first 12 minutes of this movie is awesomesauce. However many minutes follow that, are a god awful waste of time, space and energy.
The Beaver
Um. Jodi Foster made a movie called The Beaver. *snickers* Actually, I think I liked this movie about a man at the end of his rope, who clings to a hand puppet as his last attempt to not kill himself. But I don't really remember much about it... the kids are annoying. Jodi Foster's character is surprisingly one dimensional given that she directed it...on second thought, maybe I didn't like this movie at all.
Everything Must Go
I liked Will Ferrell in this movie about an alcoholic who is fired from his job and kicked out of his house on the same day. I didn't even hate his little sidekick black kid. It's cute without a tacked on Hollywood ending.
This movie is one of those arty political thrillers that, honestly, are pretty much hit or miss. All the conversations are veiled and twisty, there are many shots of furtive glances and playful school children right before a bomb goes off. Meh. This one is a miss. It's very long and none of the characters are particularly interesting. The fact that the title is the title, you right away know that the dancer upstairs is more than we think her to be, but the movie drags the "suspense" on forever.
Scenes from a Marriage
This movie is four hours long, is in Swedish and is 40 years old. Clearly, Netflix hates me. It was okay, I guess. But I can't recommend anyone watch this unless they are related to one of the actors in it or something.
It's just not worth the time and energy to basically read a movie for four hours.
Who Killed the Electric Car?
This is a documentary that is mostly well done. I did burst out laughing at the soccer moms crying and getting arrested because they wanted to save their electric cars. Good lord, if ever the hashtag #whitepeople was appropriate... This film tells the story of what happened when California passed an ordinance requiring zero emissions cars. And how Motor City made a compliant electric car, while at the same time unleashing their lawyers to fight the law. Lawyers won.
Sucker Punch
I thought this movie was going to be good. I was wrong. Dude. So so so wrong. I can't even give y'all a synopsis. There are scantily clad young girls doing erotic dances, though... if that's your thing.
The Trip
This movie has a "Dinner with Andre" feel. Two guys who have been friends for a while go on a roadtrip after the one dude's girlfriend breaks up with him and drops out of the trip. There is a resentment between them which simmers just below the surface as they banter and sing ABBA songs along the way. It's a good watch.
The Rocket
So... I think I meant to rent Bottle Rocket... not this biography of some Canadian hockey player. It's in French. OH, my favorite part though is when the hockey player guy writes a scathing editorial about the discrimination against French Canadians. I was all "wait, I thought all Canadians were French!" #noraces
Mystery, Alaska
This movie features some version of the New York Rangers. I was very excited about that...and then I wasn't. It's a flick about a hard scrabble bunch of hockey players from Alaska who get the chance to take on the big boys from the NHL. I think I was supposed to be rooting for them. I wasn't. *whistles*
Hanna
I think the fact that I see this movie as a primer on child rearing, might be a reason I am childless. It's a great ride. You follow Hanna from her days living in the wild, killing deer, to her fight for her life against a covert government agency tracking her and her father. There is blood. Oh yes, there is blood.
Scream 4
The first 12 minutes of this movie is awesomesauce. However many minutes follow that, are a god awful waste of time, space and energy.
The Beaver
Um. Jodi Foster made a movie called The Beaver. *snickers* Actually, I think I liked this movie about a man at the end of his rope, who clings to a hand puppet as his last attempt to not kill himself. But I don't really remember much about it... the kids are annoying. Jodi Foster's character is surprisingly one dimensional given that she directed it...on second thought, maybe I didn't like this movie at all.
Everything Must Go
I liked Will Ferrell in this movie about an alcoholic who is fired from his job and kicked out of his house on the same day. I didn't even hate his little sidekick black kid. It's cute without a tacked on Hollywood ending.
Thursday, October 20, 2011
Moammar Gadhafi, Moustapha Akkad, and the Halloween Franchise
Today’s news regarding the killing of the Libyan dictator Moammar Gadhafi reminded me of a kind of unusual and somewhat personal story having to do with movies and my interest in them. Actually the story has to do with Gadhafi’s interest in movies, too.In 1982, I went to see the movie Halloween III: Season of the Witch. Too young to go to the R-rated feature on my own, I got the 17-year-old girl who lived next door to take me.
I’m pretty sure we both knew going in that this one didn’t continue the whole Michael Myers boogeyman-in-a-mask storyline. I remember liking the movie all right, the new story about the crazed toymaker and the killer Halloween masks being plenty gripping to my adolescent self. But by the time the fourth Halloween came out six years later, I was in college and no longer that interested in seeing how they’d managed to revive Myers and the series, so I didn’t bother.
Fast-forward a couple of decades. Along the way I’d pick up graduate degrees in English and write a dissertation on 17th- and 18th-century British literature that focused largely on the category of sequels. Looking at novels, plays, and poems, I built an argument that this was an era during which the whole idea of pumping out a sequel to your commercially-successful cultural product began to emerge.
I also argued that a lot of writers used these sequels to offer their own commentaries on their earlier works. For example, Samuel Richardson wrote a very popular novel -- a “blockbuster,” really -- called Pamela in 1740. The book was huge hit, and also a bit controversial for some lewd scenes involving the teenaged maid and her older master “Mr. B” who lusts after her. Copyright laws not being what they are today, lots of other writers quickly jumped in and published spurious sequels to cash in on the original’s success. And some of those continuations were even racier than the original! But Richardson had intended to write a morally instructive work -- a warning of sorts to young people. So he wrote his own very preachy (and -- spoiler! -- boring as hell) sequel in which he has Pamela delivering all sorts of life lessons to readers.
While working on the dissertation I read a lot about film sequels as part of my research. Once I finished that, I ended up writing some academic articles all of which happened to focus on horror films. One of those articles compared Pamela to The Blair Witch Project, drawing connections between both “blockbusters” and the way they captured huge audiences. Another was about the 1987 film The Stepfather (I mentioned that one here before).
I also ended up writing and publishing an article about Halloween III. It appeared in the Journal of Popular Film and Television in 2004. It was the fall issue, and so since Halloween was coming up they actually featured my article on the cover. The gist of my article was to respond to what some theory-minded writers had been saying about horror sequels and postmodernism. Some of those writers wanted to cram these sequels into larger arguments about the postmodern breaking down of categories and ideas of “truth” and whatnot. But I felt like most of those movies were really mostly about making lots and lots of cash. That was one point I tried to make, anyway.
Halloween III presented kind of a problem, though, insofar as it seemed to go against the idea that horror sequels were mostly just blatant money grabs. And in fact, the more I studied the movie, the more I realized it was making a pretty interesting and original commentary on commercialism, generally speaking. Not to mention providing a kind of curious response to the first two films (à la the 18th-century guys and their sequels). So I wrote all about that, too, but I won’t bore you with all of the specifics of my outrageously earnest analysis of the film and the Halloween franchise.
So what does any of this have to do with Gadhafi?
The connection involves a Syrian film producer named Moustapha Akkad, the fellow who kind of fell into becoming the chief financeer of the first Halloween and then ultimately the caretaker of the entire series.
Akkad was himself a filmmaker, having directed an sprawling epic called Mohammed, Messenger of God starring Anthony Quinn in 1976 that takes about three hours to tell the story of Islam. Akkad wanted to break into the American market, however. Akkad knew the producer Irwin Yablans (who had distributed John Carpenter’s 1976 film Assault on Precinct 13), and it was through Yablans that Akkad ended up fronting the $320,000 to Carpenter to make a movie about killer who stalked babysitters.
As we know, the low-budgeted Halloween was an enormous box office hit, earning something like $60 million and helping spawn an entire subgenre of horror, the slasher. It would take awhile for the group to put out a second part (in 1981), but that one, too, was a financial boon for Akkad and others involved. They’d spend $2.5 million to make that one, but it would earn about $25 million from its theatrical release.
Back when Akkad was intially approached about backing the first Halloween, he was in the midst of directing a film of his own, another big-budgeted epic titled Lion of the Desert that told the story of Libya’s resistance to Italian incursions between the world wars. Anthony Quinn was in that one, too, along with Oliver Reed, John Gielgud, and Rod Steiger. That film lasts more than three hours and features lavish Lawrence of Arabia-like settings (all filmed in Libya) as well as lots of elaborate battle scenes.
The production was a lengthy and costly, with a reported budget of $35 million. In fact, Akkad once told an interviewer how he was spending more in a single day on Lion of the Desert than the entire budget of Halloween. He also told that interviewer that Halloween was “funded... with pocket change from Lion of the Desert.”Thing was, cost wasn’t really an issue for Akkad. Why? Because he had a backer with deep, deep pockets.
That’s right. Moammar Gadhafi.
When Lion of the Desert was finally released 1981, critical response was favorable, but the film had a hard time getting distributed thanks to the Gadhafi connection. Thus, from a commercial standpoint the film became one of the biggest box office flops in history, earning just $1.5 million total from its initial release. In the space of just a couple of years Akkad found himself associated with one of the most profitable films in history (in terms of budget-vs.-box office) and one of the most costly.
When writing my article about Halloween III I became fascinated with the whole Gadhafi connection and how the dictator had kind of indirectly helped start the whole franchise. I ended up including a lengthy digression in the original draft regarding it all, but my editor wisely suggested cutting it out as it wasn’t that pertinent to my main argument.
So that’s why Gadhafi’s death here at the end of October made me think of Halloween movies.
There are a couple of postscripts to add here, too, regarding Akkad.
In my article I did address how they ended up going back to the Michael Myers storyline in the subsequent sequels. I have since seen them, and find them all mostly tedious (although that H20 reboot with Jamie Lee Curtis is a bit inspired). By the time that issue of the Journal of Popular Film and Television came out there had been eight films altogether, with Akkad involved as an executive producer for each.
I mentioned in the article how Akkad was saying he intended to keep on making the films. In interviews Akkad liked to allude to a line that Donald Pleasance (who starred the first two, then the fourth, fifth, and sixth before he died in 1995) had once said: “I’m going to stop at 22.”
Akkad also frequently said he was going to make sure they never made the mistake of III again -- a film that did turn a reasonable profit at the theaters but enjoyed nothing like the commercial success of all the others. In my article I wrote how in interviews “Akkad characterizes his relationship to the homicidal central character as parental in nature, suggesting that the survival of Myers is directly linked to his own: ‘I keep protecting him on and on and on until [laugh] I die!’”
As it happened, about a year later Akkad did die a most tragic death.
Akkad was killed on November 11, 2005 along with his daughter in a terrorist attack in Amman, Jordan. Suicide bombers had been sent by Al-Qaeda to three different hotels, including the Grand Hyatt where the 75-year-old Akkad and his daughter were staying. Those bombings killed 60 people total.
Finally, about a month ago Universal pictures issued a new Blu-Ray edition of Halloween II in which the “Moustapha Akkad presents” credit had been mysteriously removed, crudely replaced with a “Universal, an MCA Company, presents” card. Fans of the film, franchise, and Akkad were outraged by the change. Some suspected it had to something to do with Akkad’s Muslim background and current “War on Terror”-fueled prejudices. (Not a little ironic, given how he died.) Others speculated it might have had something to do with the Gadhafi connection from long ago.
More likely, however, was just an unfortunate goof on Universal’s part, a possibility supported by the inclusion of Akkad’s name on the DVD box. One theory is that the change had been made on a print way back in the ’80s at some point when rights were being moved around and it was from that print that the Blu-Ray transfer was made.
In any case, Universal has apologized and says it intends to correct the error.
Meanwhile, Akkad’s passing did not spell the end for the Myers character. There have been a couple Rob Zombie-directed remakes with which the numbering started over. And I hear there is another Halloween 3 coming in 2012 (in 3D, natch), although it, too, will be featuring still more Myers mayhem.
Which means (as far as I’m concerned) that Halloween III: Season of the Witch will probably remain the most interesting sequel of the series.
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